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2004-11-29 save mi...........>Bloggy... i dunno why.. but i'm just not myself lately.. i dunno wad 2 do.. =sobsob= can tell mi how???
I'm so messed up.. so sick and tired of what's going on around mi.. nt sick and tired of de ppl around mi.. just sick and tired of what is going on around mi...
I dunno y.. but i can feel that i'm beginning 2 have a gap wif my buddies.. issit them?? or myself??
I really love xiaohsin alot.. truly without doubt... i truly loves him alot... loves him so much tt i dun wish 2 hurt him.. but how nt 2 when i'm suffering frm this unknown sickness??? shd i leave him?? =sob= can anyone help mi?? i dunno wad 2 do... i can go bonkers anytime... i really can go crazy... i know i shdn't b thinking of leaving my dear or whatever.. but i can't bear 2 hurt him... i wish 2 let go... but another part of mi yearns for his care and love... but how could i b so selfish??? Can anyone tell mi wad's going on??? i'm so confused.. i'm lost in my own world...
He treats mi very good... tahan my temper.. tahan my pettiness... tahan everything from mi... but i feel that i had not treat him good.. nor can i treat him better.. i dunno how 2 treat him better... i feel so numb inside..... recently began 2 get angry easily..out of a sudden.. this rush of loneliness just creeps upon mi.. and i'll began 2 breathe faster.. and have difficulties in breathing.. can anyone tell mi wad's wrong wif mi?? :( I really dun wish 2 hurt my dear.. i know leaving him would not make de situation better.. but at least... it stops before it gets worse... i dunno wad 2 do... aaaaaaaaahhhhhh.... sniffs...
i'm so lonely deep inside... so many people around mi but i can see nothing but darkness ahead of mi... wad is this feeling?? i feel like locking myself in de room and just cry.... if it's nt de sake of de ppl around mi.. i couldn't have bother.. but how long is my limitation.. how long can i continue 2 hide like this??i kept struggling back my tears.. i kept giving fake laughs... it is really pissing myself off... i really cannot stand it anymore.. can anyone save mi?? anyone??
each time xiaohsin give in 2 my silly temper.. each time i feel like bursting into tears.. each time my family members tells mi off.. saying, "u stop bullying xiaohsin.", i feel like stabbing myself wif a knife... Each time i hurt xiaohsin... each time i just wish 2 die... i dunno wad 2 do.. i know wad's going on.. but i can't save de situation.. it's just like standing on de shore watching ur beloved drown 2 death... i dunno how 2 save de situation...
I really dunno wad's going on wif mi.. there's something deep within mi kept wanting 2 burst out.. i dunno wad it is.. but it is nothing good... it is evil... i can't kill it.. i can only sit and watch it overtakes mi...:( wad's wrong wif de cheerful lili??
i kept thinking that everyone hates mi.. each time someone hurts mi, i kept thinking he/she hates mi.... am i really that irritating?? am i really that bad?? ... yes... sad 2 say de answer is yes... i really dun mean it.. i really dun.. i really dunno wad's wrong..
dear.. pls forgive mi.. i really dun mean it... sob... i really dun wish 2 hurt u.. but at de same time.. i dunno wad 2 do.. i dun wish 2 leave u.. but do u have a better solution?? can u save mi?? Tis thing is killing mi.. it's eating up my heart... my heart is getting so painful lately... i can feel it.. it is eating my heart...
Dear.. each time i hurt u.. i just wish 2 stab myself that very moment...
U told mi, "it makes mi sad when u just keep biting urself when u know that it hurts..."
I kept biting my hand... becos...... i hate myself.. i couldn't stab myself.. i couldn't cry... i only can bite my hand in front of u....i wanna suffer more hurt than u are suffering... i not only wan mental pain.. i wan physical pain too... so why u wan mi 2 bite u instead of biting myself when it's ME who i wanna hurt?.. u get wad i mean?.... if i can carry a knife around wif mi... i think... in one hour, i'll b stabbing myself at least one time..... tis show how bad lili is... sigh.................
aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE MI!!!! i dunno wad 2 do!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIS evil keep wanting 2 overtake mi!!!!!!!!! it keep making mi think that everyone hates mi!!! it keep making mi wanting 2 cry!! it keep making mi so full of hatred!!! it's making mi so hot tempered!!! it keep making mi feel so hurt!!! it keeps making my beloved ppl around mi hurt!!!
The worse is...................... it keep telling me to die...
it keep telling mi............. i'm nt needed...................
it keep telling mi......... i'm just a pain 2 all de ppl around mi....
pls..
someone...
save mi...
~LiLi~
Name:Lau Li Li
Age:18+
Sex:Female
Schools:Fuhua Pri., Keming Pri.,Zhenghua Sec., Republic Polytechnic
Work:Part-Time Modelling & Actress, Tutor
Wants:Pursue my studies on Law and if possible, Full-time for my Part-time works
~Her Favorites~
1.Coconut juice *i simply can't do without it*
2.Greentea POLKA *The Alternate*
3.Chrysanthemum *The Second Alternate*
4.Instant noodles *The unresistable*
5.Beach *The Quiet Corner*
6.IT Security Management & Networking *Pls grant mi As*
--> MicroEconomics *Pls grant mi MORE As*
7.Sammi Chueng, Yang Qian Hua, Zhou Xing Chi, Daniel Wu, She Shi Man *The Must WATCH movies*
8.Home-Cooked Food *Foods which i'll nv get bored of*
9.'Can you keep a secret?', 'The Make Up Girl', 'The Undomestic Goddess', 'The Shopaholic' *Books i can't do without*
10.Reality Shows *The only times which i can see ppl make a fool out of themselves other than myself.*
~Loves~
1.My Family *The Never Ending Support*
2.My Buddies & Friends *The Never Ending Laughters*
3.My Hubby *The Never Ending Love,Care and quarrels*
4.Music *My Life*
5.Acting *Pastime*
6.Being Crazy *The only times which i am not angry*
7.Typing *The only thing i am fast in*
8.Singing *The only time your voice is louder than your parents's
9.Movies *Watch ppl nag,quarrel,trick etc at other ppl for once rather than i'm the victim every other times*
10.Sleeping *The only time i can rest*
~Loathes~
1.Angry ppl
2.Cruel ppl
3.Temperamental ppl
4.Stubborn ppl
5.Hypocrites
6.Attitude ppl
7.Tiko ppl
8.Bossy ppl
9.Lazy ppl
10.Papaya!
11.Backstabbers
~WishList~
1.Get As for results
2.Happy And Peaceful world
3.Friends to be happy
4.Happy Family
5.Happy Me
6.Happy Facilitators so i'll have good daily grades
7.Happy Hubby
8.Good establish career
9.Good future
10.Great Life
* Archives *
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Monday, August 09, 2004
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Friday, August 13, 2004
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Friday, August 20, 2004
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Friday, August 27, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Friday, September 03, 2004
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Monday, September 06, 2004
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Saturday, September 11, 2004
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
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Friday, September 17, 2004
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004
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Friday, November 05, 2004
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Friday, October 07, 2005
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Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
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Sunday, December 25, 2005
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Thursday, December 29, 2005
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Sunday, January 01, 2006
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Thursday, March 16, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
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Friday, June 02, 2006
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Saturday, June 10, 2006
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