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2005-10-24 guilty?>Bloggie... i feel so guilty about xiaohsin. But i really want to cool it off first because firstly, i wanna b sure of our feelings. And secondly, i really want to see a future with my bf. I feel that our relationship is getting nowhere. I really can't visualize de both of us together a few months or years down the road. You may find me bitchy becos i've been 2gether wif xiaohsin for accurately 1 yr today but i den come and talk about this now. But i really do not wish for any of us 2 regret later. When i look at my mom and dad.. i'm so worried about my BGR, i'm so worried about marriage. I do not feel like even marrying.. i do not wish to tolerate anyone, i do not wish to quarrel wif anyone, i do not wish to b a servant 2 anyone.. now, when i look at my mom, i really hope i can lend my mom a helping hand.. my mom cooks twice a day, wash the clothes, iron, everything... but my dad still being so rude to her most of the times. I dun wish 2 happen 2 mi, bloggy... i want someone who can provide me with love and care, someone who can provide me with a roof, someone who can take care of me by having a stable job, someone who loves the family, someone who won't linger outside, someone who treats me specially... i dun want my bf to look at other ppl de same way he looks at me... i dun feel special at all... i want someone who will sacrifice anything for me... i know it is all too much to ask for. This is Singapore... where can you find this kinda man. Not one of the manwon't linger outside with woman. Not one of the man now will not pay attention to other girls and only pay attention to the one they love. Bloggy.. am i doing the right thing? i'm so afraid i'll regret later.. But the main priority now is to study hard and get at least an A for my family... I dun wish anything else to bother me. I dun wish to quarrel wif xiaohsin everyday anymore. i dun wish to worry about xiaohsin's grades anymore when he doesn't even care about his grades his own. All these little things may seem little, adding all up, it is a huge problem. Love is suppose to be happiness but it is giving me pain. But why i cry is because not only he gave me sadness but he gave me happiness too. But i believe he'll find someone who is better than me. I mean... i know most of you will find it very lame that i actually want to break off only at our 1 yr because i only wanna find that special someone when i have a job. Going steady now will not last long.. there are so much stress. so much tension. Now, i must admit that my thoughts and mind is still not mature yet.. i do not wish to hurt anyone. Even if i wanna go steady now, it's gotta be a not serious one.. but why wanna waste time? siiiggghhh! can someone tell me what to do.. i'm so lost... I dun wish to hurt xiaohsin... but i really wanna enjoy my life now and study... i only wanna tok about relationships later maybe after Poly. But not now.. but seems like he is angry at me... but it is not something which i can control... xiaohsin just don't understand. He just keep thinking that my feelings had faded away... but it is not that way.. ARGH! why everytime when i wanna explain something, he ALWAYS misunderstands what i said? I was just trying 2 say that i wanna concentrate on my studies to get a stable job next time. So i'll have a more stable relationship and a marriage. my thoughts are not MATURE YET! that's what i was trying 2 say. He replied, "There is no turning back this time.. blah blah blah blah" hai........ he wasn't even trying 2 understand what i was trying 2 say... ARGH! NOW HE is making me CONFUSE! can someone farking tell mi what am i suppose 2 do right now?!?!?!?! Somehow last time, xiaohsin gave me the impression that he is de one for me... He look like someone who studies, someone who cares and loves his gf.. someone who can sacrifice for his gf... but now, when i take a look at him.. somehow.. it all changed... He look like someone who dun care about his future... he refuse to study for his O level english, he look slacky to go school... I tried so hard to ask him 2 study... he doesn't wanna listen 2 me.. somehow.. i'm wondering.... whether does he really loves me too... or does he the same as me.. is doubting about our love.
~LiLi~
Name:Lau Li Li
Age:18+
Sex:Female
Schools:Fuhua Pri., Keming Pri.,Zhenghua Sec., Republic Polytechnic
Work:Part-Time Modelling & Actress, Tutor
Wants:Pursue my studies on Law and if possible, Full-time for my Part-time works
~Her Favorites~
1.Coconut juice *i simply can't do without it*
2.Greentea POLKA *The Alternate*
3.Chrysanthemum *The Second Alternate*
4.Instant noodles *The unresistable*
5.Beach *The Quiet Corner*
6.IT Security Management & Networking *Pls grant mi As*
--> MicroEconomics *Pls grant mi MORE As*
7.Sammi Chueng, Yang Qian Hua, Zhou Xing Chi, Daniel Wu, She Shi Man *The Must WATCH movies*
8.Home-Cooked Food *Foods which i'll nv get bored of*
9.'Can you keep a secret?', 'The Make Up Girl', 'The Undomestic Goddess', 'The Shopaholic' *Books i can't do without*
10.Reality Shows *The only times which i can see ppl make a fool out of themselves other than myself.*
~Loves~
1.My Family *The Never Ending Support*
2.My Buddies & Friends *The Never Ending Laughters*
3.My Hubby *The Never Ending Love,Care and quarrels*
4.Music *My Life*
5.Acting *Pastime*
6.Being Crazy *The only times which i am not angry*
7.Typing *The only thing i am fast in*
8.Singing *The only time your voice is louder than your parents's
9.Movies *Watch ppl nag,quarrel,trick etc at other ppl for once rather than i'm the victim every other times*
10.Sleeping *The only time i can rest*
~Loathes~
1.Angry ppl
2.Cruel ppl
3.Temperamental ppl
4.Stubborn ppl
5.Hypocrites
6.Attitude ppl
7.Tiko ppl
8.Bossy ppl
9.Lazy ppl
10.Papaya!
11.Backstabbers
~WishList~
1.Get As for results
2.Happy And Peaceful world
3.Friends to be happy
4.Happy Family
5.Happy Me
6.Happy Facilitators so i'll have good daily grades
7.Happy Hubby
8.Good establish career
9.Good future
10.Great Life
* Archives *
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